Ever wonder what it would be like...

If toy and game manufacturers actually had real parents and their kids test their products? Not just for 15minutes but sent the toys home with the families to test for a couple weeks. Imagine the possibilities!

Merce had a Fall Party at school today. Among the games the preschoolers played was one called Lucky Ducks. The kids loved the game, me not so much. The game in itself was enjoyable, but the whole time the game is running the ducks are quacking - LOUDLY! Imagine, volume control, or less frequent quacking; maybe only quacking when you put back a duck that doesn't match your card, or get this, the option to turn OFF the quacking while still allowing the game to run. Wouldn't that be grand?!?

Oh the things I would love to see: a return to more imagination toys with fewer batteries. Take the Fisher Price Little People line of toys. I had a schoolhouse growing up. I loved the thing, played with it all the time. No batteries, but there was a bell that rang. My kids have quite a few Little People (known as "dudes" around here) toys. We have a house, a garage, an airplane, bus... on and on. ALL of these use batteries. Yes, the house you can hear the toilet flush, the baby cry, the popcorn in the microwave, the washing machine, etc. Is this needed for fun, really? My kids lug the Dudes themselves everywhere. They don't play with the house or garage that often. When they do, they have more fun with the house and garage when it is turned off and not making noise than when it is - and mommy enjoys it more too. ;-)

And how about those Barbie houses? If I had a kitchen proportionally the same as Barbie's kitchen, It would be a 6ft ceiling, and would be about 3.5ft wide by 5.5ft long. Seriously. Her bed barely fits in the bedroom one way. And those cupboards, what do they fit, like 2 plates? Seriously disproportionate. Of course this is nothing new to Barbie. If I had her proportions, I would be a PERKY 40DD with a 30inch waist, and legs! Of course that couldn't happen, gravity plays in there, 40DDs would start to sag toward the knees without a titanium support system and if by chance you did manage to keep those gals alert, your back wouldn't be able to take the strain and you would walk like the Hunchback of Notredame.

Some toys have made huge improvements since "my day." Especially in educational areas. Leapfrog, for one, has some great learning toys - that are also fun. But in general it seems that toys are more cheaply made, break easier, require batteries and are LOUDER.

Still so much to learn

I've said before, I am an awesome mom. It's true. But, there is still much room for improvement too. Yesterday I was graciously given a learning moment.

I was at Merce's preschool early due to show-and-tell day. Instead of leaving and coming back 30 minutes later, Rita and I stayed with the class. We sat in on the story time. I was looking forward to hearing Miss Melinda read. She has mentioned before that she loves reading aloud to kids. Her storytelling was enjoyable, but what was remarkable was her word usage.

One of the youngsters was having trouble sitting still. He ended up stepping on the hand of another student. She yelled "OW!" He shushed her. Miss Melinda calmly explains that "Your boots stepped on her hand, she said 'ow' because it hurt." How awesome is that?!? I might have said "You stepped on her hand." Which would, of course lead to "No, I didn't!" Removing the person from act by saying "shoes" instead of "you" addressed the problem without bringing out the immediate defensive responses.

Little lessons taught. :) I am looking forward to seeing this work in my own household!

Just a giant toy box - apparently

Have you ever noticed the crazy variety of items that can be found in a car? Single people, you are not excused from this, I have seen your car. It has been a while, but I have in fact been a single person, with a dizzying collection of items in my car. Some were intentional; keys in the glove box and glass soda bottles in the hatch so I never had to wonder about "that sound." Some just happened, stray directions, the hair clippy I took out on the way home from work, etc.

But now I have entered a whole new dimension! I have 6 kids and 1 husband. Yes, the mass can get to some gargantuan proportions. Since we returned from a cross-country drive this summer I have tried to strongly encourage my crew to bring their items out of the car with them. I have been marginally successful. :)

This morning however, I realized that my van does not simply house the eclectic array of items left behind by myself and my family. It is indeed simply a giant toy box.

Yesterday my son played basketball outside. When he came in I asked if he put the ball away. He said that he did. When I looked out by the slab, I did not see a ball and believed that he had indeed put the ball back in the shed. This morning I loaded the two youngest in the car to take Merci to preschool. What do I find on the passenger side floorboard? You guessed it. The basketball. My dear, beloved son brought the ball from the slab and shed up to the house and put it in my van. Not sure why. As I have discovered this tidbit after my children left for school I can not inquire as to the thought processes, but apparently my van is a toy box and therefore a perfectly acceptable and even preferred place to put the ball.

When to shut up

I admit it, I am an AWESOME MOM! Not just an awesome mom, but a FREAKING AWESOME MOM. No, really I am. Of course, it isn't hard to be head and shoulders over some of the "competition." Many people have told me I should write a book on how to parent. These comments come from all walks of life, elderly people, fellow parents, teens, adults who hate children, adults who love children and hope to have them someday. I used to think that what I could say would barely fill a pamphlet, let alone a book. I mean it is all [my advice] pretty straight forward. Then as I look closer I realize that a book from me would not be well received. Most people simply are not REALLY willing to parent their children. They want to be friends with their children.

I have a friend with a child the same age as my youngest. She is creating a monster, quite honestly. She isn't getting enough sleep because she gets up with the child multiple times a night. She isn't willing to let her husband get the child or to let the child self-soothe back to sleep. She can't stand to see or hear her child cry. She is teaching her child that by crying anything that is desired will be given. She asks me "What can I do?" I begin to tell her exactly what I would do. And have done. I am an awesome mom because I have made mistakes, continue to make mistakes, but strive to learn from them and get better all the time. Before getting more than a sentence out of my mouth she is telling me that it won't work. Um, you haven't heard my advice in even a reduced form. I realize that she doesn't really want to know how to fix it, she wants me to pat her shoulder and tell her that everybody goes through this and it gets better. Blah, blah, blah. Ok, so smile and nod, how's that working out for you dear? On the verge of tears all the time because you are completely overexhausted and haven't had a moment without your child with you in nearly two years? Oh, yeah. It's working well. I'll shut up then.

I love this friend very much and wanted to help her. The only way I know to truly help her is to offer advice on what has worked for me. I have a pretty good track record remember? 6 kids, very well behaved (and that is not simply a biased mommy talking). I spent a day nearly sick to my stomach trying to figure out how to "help" her. Then I asked myself "What would my husband's advice on this issue be?"

His advice would be, tell her once (check) then ever after when she brought up these issues tell her that we had talked about it and I had nothing further to add and there was no need to talk about it again and to move on to other topics. It sounds harsh but oh it is so freeing! I have taken this advice when it comes to my father. He used to complain to me during every phone call or visit how much trouble it was causing to have my adult brother living in their home. I told him to kick my brother out and change the locks. Jerry told me that he couldn't change the locks because two of my sisters regularly come by when they are out of town to check on the cats. Ok. Give the girls the new keys but not my brother. My advice. Period. They can't make my brother pay rent, help with the household maintence or chores, so if it is that problematic, kick him out. Period. Two weeks later my father called. He started to complain about my brother. I asked, "Did you change the locks?" No. Ok. No new information, no need to talk about it further. A bit over two years later, my brother still lives there, but I haven't heard anything about it from my father since. A beautiful thing, beautiful! (Understand that I love my brother alot, but being firm is the thing that shows the most love.)

So, yep, when it comes to this friend, it is time to shut up.

Was it in one of the two designated spots?

This is a question that both my hubby and I frequently ask our children when they can't find something. Most everything has two accepted places to be, coats on the hook by the door or on the hook in your room. Shoes in your shoe bin (momma put together an awesome shoe bin with color coded drawers for everyone!) or under your bed. Glasses on your head or the table in your room.

Tonight my hubby has (present tense) a migraine. He had been laying on the couch and took his glasses off. He laid them on the floor by the couch. He later moved himself to bed - the glasses stayed behind.

At bedtime I asked for some assistance. My 23 month old was on the potty (yes, that is a shameless brag) and I had two showers to help with yet. He got up to re-dress the tot. He went for his glasses first. He found them in two different spots. That's right folks. The glasses were broke.

It was all I could do to not burst out laughing. The very first thing that ran through my mind: "Was it in one of the two designated spots?" Um, I think not.

After getting all the kids into bed I mentioned how humorous I found the glasses bit. He told me now they could be in BOTH spots at once. "They really won't stay on your face anymore." I am glad he finds it at least a little amusing because I find it quite funny. :-D

"Careful Josh, there's syrup on this one."

Says Brandy as she hands Josh a plate to put in the dishwasher. Sounds nice, sounds considerate, right? Until you see that she is holding the plate VERTICAL! Yes, vertical, as in up and down, as in gravity and syrup are working together to get to the floor, and in a hurry! 9.81 meters per second per second... are you sure that is all it is doing? Seems faster to me. Josh takes the plate from her and continues to hold the plate vertical. All the while I'm hollering "Put that plate level! Level the plate! LEVEL!" Too late, there goes the icky, sticky syrup to the floor. "Guys, what were you thinking? You knew there was syrup on the plate, you said it." Josh's quick as lightning response "Brandy handed it to me that way." Yes, yes she did. But see, two wrongs really do not make a right. And you have a brain and can think for yourself. Not just can, but should really. I mean are you going to let the plane you are co-piloting go down just because it was in a dive when the pilot handed you the controls or are you going to pull the nose up? Throw the rock Mitch! (If you haven't seen this clip, it is really funny!)

Book smarts they have, I guess we need to work on UNcommon sense more than I realized. They can start with the natural consequence of cleaning the icky, sticky floor.

The plane analogy came from my dear hubby - gotta give credit where credit is due. :) While we are at it, incase the link isn't clear, the Mitch skit was an SNL skit.

Yeah and not so much so

Yeah: "I" have done it! With a lot of help from a friend of a friend. I can now be online on Facebook without fear of "the wrong people" seeing I am on and trying to chat. While still showing face for those I don't mind chatting with.

My 5 yr old is READING, not just reciting but READING Green Eggs and Ham by herself! I now have her doing other books as well. Some of them are actually easier, Hop on Pop, Go Dogs Go, but who can argue with the 5 yr old taking initiative and reading Green Eggs and Ham? Go, Bekki, Go!

Not so much: My lovely oldest daughter added regular dish soap to the dishwasher detergent in the latest load of dishes. Oy Vey! Bubbles galore and I will need to run the rinse cycle at least 3x to get rid of all those bubbles! She may have to start washing dishes by hand on her days from here on out. Can't let a mistake like that take the chore away - maybe just make it more difficult. ;-)

It is getting chilly outside! I had to pull out the long sleeved tshirts. Pout. On the good side, Chili for dinner, yum! I make a mean Chili if I say so myself. :)

"I get the big finger."

Last night, I did NOT have to fly solo! And a good thing too. Jes reverted to her goopy, whiny antics. While Daddy was helping her, she was playing with a pointer, which has hand on the end. And the hand is, wait for it, pointing. Daddy took the pointer and said "I get the big finger." Which sent Mommy into a fit of giggles. Because the pointer wasn't what came to mind when he said that. Just 15 minutes prior he told me about various things he discovered "wrong" at the other house that will need fixed. I was thinking we indeed did get the big finger, again. At least there is some humor to see us through.

This morning comes and I see that our, er, um, illustrious leader, Obama, has won the Nobel Peace Prize. Really? For what you ask - I did too - for... nope, I was right, he hasn't done anything yet. It was "...a stunning decision designed to encourage his initiatives to reduce nuclear arms, ease tensions with the Muslim world and stress diplomacy and cooperation rather than unilateralism." So, yes, the big finger came out again, there are people who HAVE (as in past tense, already done) made strides toward peace.

Yep, you read that right, designed to encourage. I'm all for encouraging desired behavior, reinforcing the positive. Give the man a sticker, he has desires to do wonderful things. He wants to reduce nuclear arms and ease tensions with the Muslim world. Now, I'm not saying that these are bad goals, just that he hasn't done anything to attain said goals. Yes, his behavior chart can get a sticker, but I don't think he is ready for the Nobel Peace Prize just yet.

Speed Life

I have been having problems "fitting it all in" lately. Just the after school stuff really. From when the four older kids get off the bus at 3:30 until bedtime (I shoot for 8) everything is nonstop. Snacks, homework, dinner, cleanup, baths, toothbrushing, stories, bed. I rarely actually make 8. But the later I get them in bed the worse the next morning is. Cleanup almost always happens after bed, and more often than I care to admit to, the bedtime stories don't happen.

All these responsibilities are even heavier when my Jes decides that she is going to act like a whiny, goopy, incapable youngster. She is very smart and capable, but she will close her mind and cry, and whine and goop - from every facial orifice, all the while telling me it is too hard. I was talking to my best friend the other night and she suggested that Jes is trying to get one-on-one attention. And while it ends up being negative, it is indeed one-on-one. This had occurred to me but I didn't know how to go about fixing it. Bex offered me a terrific suggestion, set a timer for a reasonable amount of time for her homework. If she finishes in that amount of time, we play a game, one-on-one. This of course has it's own challenges, how does a mom of 6 a. find the time for a game b. keep it with just Jes and c. not end up starting this with all the other kiddos.

But, we are trying it out. So far, the homework is going much better! The first night Jes wanted to play the game of Life. That is NOT a quick game. I was working solo, as is often the case. So, I am trying to fit in the game and get kids to bed on time. We made some alterations in the game to speed it along. We don't stop, we just throw the spouse in the car at the end of the turn, or buy the house at the end of the turn, etc. With "Speed Life" we can do a game in about 20 minutes. Tonight Jes chose Go Fish. Much better choice! But... (you knew there would be a but!) the other kids are figuring out that she has been playing games with mom and want in on the action. Brandy and Josh asked to play Life. Turns into a four person game, even with "Speed Life" with four people it take close to 40 minutes. I got them in bed more than 30 minutes late.

About half way through the game Brandy says "I like real Life better than Speed Life." Me too baby, me too!

I still need to find a way to fit everything in those few brief hours, but now I realize that I need to slow down too. One doesn't see the goose on the roof if you don't take time to look around.

Letterman = Idiot

When it came out that David Letterman had affairs and was being blackmailed. I thought, good for you, standing up for yourself. I mean, instead of letting the blackmailers lord it over his head he just stood up and admitted having affairs.

Now, it says something that I wasn't at all surprised. It seems that is what public figures do. They have a well known face, and it doesn't have to be a good looking one, and they have extracurricular bedding. Apparently it takes an unattainable amount of willpower to turn down these extra offers (and to not present the offers themselves). Yes, I have accepted that married public figures, men in particular, have affairs. It is the norm, not the exception.

Since it is the norm, I silently applauded Letterman for standing up and saying he had affairs. Why allow yourself to be blackmailed when "everybody" does it?

Now I read he apologized on his show to his wife saying "She has been horribly hurt." Really, Ya think?!? IDIOT. Talk about understatements. Public spouses don't just get cheated on and have to deal with the consequences, they have to deal with it publicly.

"I Helping!"

My little almost two year old likes to help with everything. This of course means that things often take longer than without her "help." Since my goal is for my children to eventually be able to take care of themselves, I take this hit, willingly most times. One of the ways I have her help is to put the nipple on her bottle. She can hold the nipple while I fill the bottle with water and formula. Today I had to get her bottle from the dishwasher and assemble it. So I handed her the collar and the nipple and asked her to put them together as I assembled the rest of the bottle and added water. She told me "not working." I look, she has the nipple in the collar backwards. I told her to "turn this part around" while pointing to the nipple. She twists it in the current position while turning herself around in a complete circle. "not working, mommy." LOL! How can you not love the antics of a tot?!?

My grade as mom - I'm Passing!

Actually when you consider that my grade was given by my own 10yr old daughter, I'm gettin' an A!

Last night I had to take all 6 to my son's soccer practice. Luckily there is a playground nearby. The 5 girls and I headed to the playground during practice. I ran into a friend there. She has four children and until our oldest started preschool we had a weekly playgroup with a handful of other local women. Cindy always looks great! Put together, no chocolaty finger prints on her clothes, hair not only brushed but styled. She wears clothes that she didn't buy while grocery shopping at Walmart, you know clothes from actual clothing stores! She somehow seems to find time to shop! My oldest was impressed.

I know from talking with Cindy on other occasions that she feels I have it together pretty well. She has a couple of times told me "When things are hard, I think about you. You do such a great job and you have two more than me! I don't know how you do it." This tells me that both Cindy and I put on a great public face.

Anyway, as I mentioned my daughter was impressed. On the way home she was talking about how she wanted to be a "super mom" when she grows up. Ok. Um, what do you think a super mom is? "A mom that is never late, never forgets anything the kids have going on, cooks dinners, keeps the house clean, always happy..." Realizing that all of that is impossible I interrupt. "Um, sweetie, no one can do all of that, all the time." She tells me she knows. I ask her if she thinks I am a supermom. Without hesitation she tells me "Some of the time."

I swell and explode with pride and love.